Dares to the Extreme, season ONE!
by substitutexXxreality
Summary: What if we mixed up a weird style of writing, many characters from the books, and a few viewers? Dares to the Extreme, that's what!
1. Episode One

Welcome to Dares to The Extreme, a new show entering its second season. This has always striken me as a peculiar style of writing, but sometimes very, _very _funny.

* * *

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARE THE CHARACTERS TO THE EXTREME! 

Em: Hello and welcome to the first episode, first season, of Dares to the Extreme, from the creators of 'It's time for Fred and George' and 'Harry Potter Idol.' Of course, I am the only host that could tolerate these boneheads, so if I get fired, good luck getting a new host. grin Ha, I'm so powerful. Anyways, I'm sure you're all dying to know who you may dare, so, if you're sure, here they are:

Draco: Aren't amazing? poses

Em: No, you're not.

Draco: How are you sure of that?

Em: Here's how. evilgrin

Draco: AHHH! feetle position

Hermione: walks on stage AHH! DARCO! runs away

Em: sweatdrop Ok, so there's Hermione too.

Harry: walks on stage

Screaming fans: WE LOVE YOU HARRY!

Harry: is annoyed

Em: -glare-

Harry: AHHH! feetle position

Em: -smiles- I love being able to do that.

Ron: Can I quit?

Em: No.

Ron: Why?

Em: Remember last Fourth of July?

Ron: NO MORE BOOM! runs away

Sirius: Have no fear, Padfoot - err... Sirius is here!

Em: sweatdrop

Remus: Hi all. wavels

Em: Man! No reason to glare. Oh well. -glare-

Draco: out of feetle position AHHH! runs away

Em: smirks

James: Come on Lily, sit with me!

Lily: AHHH! NO! Em?

Em: Gladly. -glares-

James: AHHH! -whimpers- ok...

Peter: Don't hurt me Em...

Em: -glare-

Peter: AHH! I'll be good...

Em: Anyways, you know the drill. Send in a dare. I ask it. They do it. If you really want the hazard of being in this show, please fill out the following form. See you next time on...

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARES TO THE EXTREME!

Ron: NO MORE BOOM!

Em: is annoyed

* * *

Please note, this is really NOT my style of writing... trust me, I do MUCH better.  



	2. Episode Two

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARE THE CHARACTERS TO THE EXTREME -big explosion-

Ron: AHH! NO MORE BOOM! –whimpers-

Em: annoyed Anyways, welcome to Dares to The Extreme, the first season. You know the people, Draco, Hermione, Ron, Harry, Remus, James, Lily... and unfortunately Peter.

Crowd: BOOO! -throws tomatoes at Peter-

Peter: -sighs-

Em: grins So of course you know them. But now and forever we play host to two new characters!

Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Em: And they are... Lauren!

Lauren: Hi! –big grin-

Em: And Elly! She's not an elephant, don't worry...

Elly: Hisies! -sits down-

Draco: Hello Lauren... –smiles-

Lauren: DRACO! AHH! I love you! –screams-

Em: Sighs…

Lauren: Anyways, I sent in a dare, so I get to ask it!

Em: No you don't.

Lauren: Yes I do.

Em: And how are you sure of that? -raises eyebrow-

Lauren: It's in the handbook –raspberry-

Em: Fine...

Lauren: Hermione?

Hermione: Is Draco gone yet?

Lauren: Yes, he is.

Hermione: Phew!

Lauren: You need to suck silly putty up your nose using a straw.

Hermione: -whimpers-

Em: What's wrong?

Hermione: Silly Putty... Six years old... lip gloss... -shudders-

Lauren: Heheheh… -glares-

Em: Nice glare!

Lauren: Thanks!

Elly: Hey...

Em: Hay is for my cousin's goats.

Elly: -glare-

Em: -glare-

Elly: -glare-

Em: -glare-

Elly: AHHH! –shields eyes-

Elly: AHHH! -shields eyes-

Em: Haha, nice try, though... Hermy! Get to work!

Hermione: Uggghhh… Fine...

Lauren: -hands straw and silly putty-

Hermione: -closes eyes- -sucks silly putty- Ah! I can' say nuthin' I going to get you' emiwy!

Em: HA!

Lauren: HAHA!

Elly: HAHAHA!

Em: So I guess that does it for...

Big booming voice: DARES TO THE EXTREME!


	3. Episode Three

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARE THE CHARACTERS TO THE EXTREME -big explosion-

Ron: AHH! NO MORE BOOM! errr

Em: sweatdrop Anyways, welcome to Dares to The Extreme, the first season. You know the people, Draco, Hermione, Ron, Harry, Remus, James, Lily... and unfortunately Peter.

Crowd: BOOO! -throws tomatoes at Peter-

Peter: sweatdrop

Em: grin So of course you know them. But now and forever we play host to two new characters!

Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Em: And they are... Lauren!

Lauren: Hi! supergrin

Em: And Elly! She's not an elephant, don't worry...

Elly: Hisies! -sits down-

Draco: Hello Lauren... shades

Lauren: DRACO! AHH! I love you! supergrin

Em: sweatdrop

Lauren: Anyways, I sent in a dare, so I get to ask it!

Em: No you don't.

Lauren: Yes I do.

Em: And how are you sure of that? -raises eyebrow-

Lauren: It's in the handbook tongue

Em: Fine...

Lauren: Hermione?

Hermione: Is Draco gone yet?

Lauren: Yes, he is.

Hermione: Phew!

Lauren: You need to suck silly putty up your nose using a straw.

Hermione: errr

Em: What's wrong?

Hermione: Silly Putty... Six years old... lip gloss... -shudders-

Lauren: evilgrin

Em: Nice glare!

Lauren: Thanks!

Elly: Hey...

Em: Hay is for my cousin's goats.

Elly: -glare-

Em: -glare-

Elly: -glare-

Em: -glare-

Elly: AHHH! -shields eyes-

Em: Haha, nice try, though... Hermy! Get to work!

Hermione: Do I have to? –whimpers- Fine...

Lauren: -hands straw and silly putty-

Hermione: -closes eyes- -sucks silly putty- Ah! I can' say nuthin' I going to get you' emiwy!

Em: HA!

Lauren: HAHA!

Elly: HAHAHA!

Em: So I guess that does it for...

Big booming voice: DARES TO THE EXTREME!

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARE THE CHARACTERS TO THE EXTREME -big explosion-

Ron:...

Em: What's up with that Ron, you used to have a fatal fear of booming noises?

Ron:...

Em: Earth to planet Ro-on?

Ron: NO MORE BOOM!

Em: Okayy… -inches away- Anyways, welcome to Dares to the Extreme, where our motto is, you send 'em, we do 'em.

Draco: Is Lauren here today?

Em: Yes...

Draco: SWEET! supergrin love

Em: (in spooky voice) Hermione!

Draco: AHHH! eekerrr -looks around- confused embarrased -glares at Em-

Em: I'm terrified. rolleyes -picks at nails- Well, you two are going to have to French kiss so...

Draco and Hermione: NOOOO! AHHHHH!

Em: -sighs- Well, The person who asked it also asked to be in the show so... -presses big red button-

Lauren #2: -falls from the sky-

Lauren #1: AHHH! You stole my name! Name stealer, name stealer, name stealer...

Lauren #2: So what evilness should I bring today, Em?

Em: You're supposed to make them French kiss.

Lauren #2: Perfect! I need somebody to test out this kissing potion. Oi! Hermione! Get over here!

Hermione: -still in shock- errr Coming...

Em: -clips toenails-

Hermione: Hey, thanks! Wait a minute...

Em: blush Well what makes you say that?

Lauren #2: -drops toenails into potion- Hehehe...

Lauren #1: Name stealer, name stealer, name stealer, name stealer...

Lauren #2: sweatdrop Make Draco drink this.

Lauren #1: Ok, anything for my Draco!

Draco: Yes? love

Lauren #1: Drink this. It'll... uh... make you more handsome, if that's even possible!

Draco: That's fine with me. -gulps down-

Draco & Hermione: AHHHH! -start French kissing uncontrollably-

Hermione: -muffled- Not funny.

Draco: -muffled- Lauren, I'm going to forgive you for making me drink this.

Lauren #2: Me?

Draco: -muffled- No.

Lauren #2: cry

-5 MINUTES LATER-

Draco&Hermione: -still kissing-

Lauren #2: Hmmmm... It should have worn off by now.

Lauren #1: name stealer name stealer...

Em: To St. Mungos!

-big sirens-

Em: As we have some medical emergency whats-its, I guess it's over for now for...

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARES TO THE EXTREME!

Lauren #1: Name stealer, name stealer, name stealer…


	4. Episode Four

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARE THE CHARACTERS TO THE EXTREME!

Ron: No more boom!

Em: grin Too bad.

Ron: Why? –raises eyebrow-

Em: evilgrin –pushes big red button-

Sarah: AH! –falls from sky-

Em: Ron, meet the ever-so-loyal Sarah.

Sarah: evilgrin

Ron: AHHHHH! –pulls hair out- not you again! –groans-

Sarah: Oh contraire.

Ron: -gulps-

Sirius: love

Sarah: love

Em: lol

Sarah: So Ron, here, have some boom.

Ron: NOOOOO! errr

Em: -sighs- Sorry, but it's it a dare. Wait… I said it wrong… I meant to say HAHA! It's a dare! Haha… heheh…

Hermione: -gasps- You haven't lost your evilness have you?

Em: lol Of course not! Anyways, Ronnikens?

Ron: errr You can't make me do it!

Em: Oh yes I can.

Ron: raspberry How?  
Em: Like this. –presses big red button-

Sazzy: -falls from sky-

Em: What's with the weird name?

Sazzy: sweatdrop

Em: -sigh- rollseyes –whispers in Sazzy's ear-

Sazzy: Ohhhhh, no. No way, Jose. No. Nope. Nada. Nil. Zero. Goose eggs.

Em: angel –puppy-dog-eyes- Pwease? –Trembling lip-

Sazzy: smile Ok! –walks over to Ron-

Ron: love

Sazzy: Hey Ron! Do me a favor and tie all these new mega boom dynamite super-rumble fireworks to yourself, Ok?

Ron: love Ok… -ties self-

Sarah: Heheh… Ish so evil. smile Em? Would you please do us the honors? –bows- evilgrin

Em: evilgrin Gladly. supergrin –lights fuse- BACK UP, PEOPLE!

Ron: Dum de dum dum dum… wait a minute. What's the fuse for? Why are there super mega boom super-dynamite rumble fireworks tied to my-

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!

All: Oooh… ahhh…. Woah…. Wow… sweet…

Em & Sarah: supergrin evilgrin

All: 3! 2! 1!

Ron: AHHHHH! –falls from sky-

THUD!

Ron: Ugghhh…

-sirens-

Em: Well, before we get arrested for attracting muggle attention and harming fellow wizards, and before Ron dies from fright and a… err… slight concoction I guess that does it for…

DARES TO THE EXTREME!

Ron: no more boom… errr no more boom… happy place happy place happy place happy place happy place happy place happy place happy place happy place happy place happy place happy place happy place HAPPY PLACE! errr


	5. Episode Five

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARES TO THE EXTREME!

Ron: Dum de dum dum dum…

All: DRAMATIC GASP! **Gasps**

**Ron: W**hat? I've got my medication done…

Em: So… you're not afraid of 'boom' anymore?  
Ron: No.

Em: frown –sighs- Anyways, today on Dare the Characters we have a delightfully evil dare for none other than Hermione Granger. Hermione?  
Hermione: What now!

Em: You have a dare.

Hermione: Why is it _always _me?

Em: 'Cause on another Dare thread you are mortal enemies with the host.

Hermione: And your point is…?

So, basically, people that are evil (like me) enjoy torturing people like you.

Hermione: O.o

Draco: Since this dare is so horrible to… dare I say it… Hermione –shudders- may I do the honors of pressing the big red button?

Sazzy: No, I'm so sorry Mr. Scum-butt but I did the dare. raspberry

Draco: Ah ma- wait a minute…

Sazzy: angel Anyways, Hermione? –summons tub of mud-

Hermione: What?

Sazzy: Wash your hair in the mud tub.

Hermione: Really? How sweet of you!

All: GASP! –gasps-

Hermione: It's a muggle thing, taking a mud bath. It's a relaxing spa! –jumps in-

Em: Oookayyy…. Anyways, I guess that does it for Dares to the Extreme? hmmm

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARES TO THE EXTREME!


	6. Episode Six Finale!

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARE THE CHARACTERS TO THE EXTREME! –game show laser lights-

Em: Hello and welcome to Dares to the Extreme. I'd like to point out that this is one of the final posts of the season. But I have some good news, as well. I have decided to upload each season onto Fan fiction dot net! smile

All: You mean we have to come here again? frown

Em: grin Yep!

All: NOOOOOO!

Em: evilgrin Anyways, On to the final dare of this season…

-funky game-show music-

Hermione: Question.

Em: Yes my most hated victim?  
Hermione: What?

Em: Errr… never mind.

Hermione: Okay… -inches away- As I was –gulp- saying, ummm… why did you replace the big explosion with expensive lighting.

Em: -sighs- Well, it was sort of pointless keeping the explosion because Ron got medication-

Sarah: lol

Ron: sweatdrop

Em: -sighs again- And wasn't afraid of the noise anymore. Plus, err… we kept having to purchase new sets every show. –glares at producer- By the way, Hermione… DRACO MALFOY!

Hermione: AHHHH! –feetle position-

Draco: -walks on stage- Hi all.

Hermione: AHHH! –runs away-

Draco: hmmm

Em: evilgrin sweatdrop Anyways, -sighs-for-the-third-time-, On with the dare. –presses big red button-

Cecilia: AHHH! –falls from sky- Ouch… -rubs bum-

Remus: Uh oh.

Cecilia: REMUS! AHHH! I LOVE YOU! –tackles- love

Remus: sweatdrop

Em: -reads dare- GASP! –gasps- errr

All: What?  
Remus: -under Cecilia- Whaf?

Em: errr Cecilia…

Cecilia: angel Whatever may it be?  
Em: You have to snog Remus senseless… for _twenty _minutes! **sobs**

Lawyerbot: -runs over- -shows handbook-

Em: YAY! –partys-

Cecilia: What?  
Em: Well, the handbook says a person in the show may not dare his/her self! supergrin

Cecilia: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Remus: The happiness I feel is unexplainable…

Em: -smirk- Anyways, the new dare is…

-drum roll-

Em: -presses big red button-

Ariella: AHHHH! –falls from sky-

THUD

Harry: love

Ariella: AHHHH! –hides- -peeks-

Em: Harry! evilgrin

Harry: AH!

Em: grin Anyways, do your stuff Ariella! –nudges-

Ariella: smile Thanks Em. Harry… you have to take a bath in Artichokes.

All: GASP! –dramatic gasp-

Harry: NOOOO! ANYTHING BUT ARTICHOKES! AHHHH! –runs around in circles-

Em: Ah, I know I hate artichokes too, but when they're used to torture I can't resist 'em!

Ariella: -summons artichoke bath- evilgrin

Harry: errr Ok… -climbs in-

-five minutes later-

Harry: errr –climbs out-

Em, Sarah, Ariella, Laurens, Sazzy: evilgrin

Em: Well, I guess I'll see all of you next season on…

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARES TO THE EXTREME!

-game show lights-

Harry: errr please no more artichokes… please… PLEASE… PLEASE!

People: K, buddy… you're going to the asylum now…

Harry: -gulp- BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARE THE CHARACTERS TO THE EXTREME! –game show laser lights-

Em: Hello and welcome to Dares to the Extreme. I'd like to point out that this is one of the final posts of the season. But I have some good news, as well. I have decided to upload each season onto Fan fiction dot net! smile

All: You mean we have to come here again? frown

Em: grin Yep!

All: NOOOOOO!

Em: evilgrin Anyways, On to the final dare of this season…

-funky game-show music-

Hermione: Question.

Em: Yes my most hated victim?  
Hermione: What?

Em: Errr… never mind.

Hermione: Okay… -inches away- As I was –gulp- saying, ummm… why did you replace the big explosion with expensive lighting.

Em: -sighs- Well, it was sort of pointless keeping the explosion because Ron got medication-

Sarah: lol

Ron: sweatdrop

Em: -sighs again- And wasn't afraid of the noise anymore. Plus, err… we kept having to purchase new sets every show. –glares at producer- By the way, Hermione… DRACO MALFOY!

Hermione: AHHHH! –feetle position-

Draco: -walks on stage- Hi all.

Hermione: AHHH! –runs away-

Draco: hmmm

Em: evilgrin sweatdrop Anyways, -sighs-for-the-third-time-, On with the dare. –presses big red button-

Cecilia: AHHH! –falls from sky- Ouch… -rubs bum-

Remus: Uh oh.

Cecilia: REMUS! AHHH! I LOVE YOU! –tackles- love

Remus: sweatdrop

Em: -reads dare- GASP! –gasps- errr

All: What?  
Remus: -under Cecilia- Whaf?

Em: errr Cecilia…

Cecilia: angel Whatever may it be?  
Em: You have to snog Remus senseless… for _twenty _minutes! **sobs**

Lawyerbot: -runs over- -shows handbook-

Em: YAY! –partys-

Cecilia: What?  
Em: Well, the handbook says a person in the show may not dare his/her self! supergrin

Cecilia: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Remus: The happiness I feel is unexplainable…

Em: -smirk- Anyways, the new dare is…

-drum roll-

Em: -presses big red button-

Ariella: AHHHH! –falls from sky-

THUD

Harry: love

Ariella: AHHHH! –hides- -peeks-

Em: Harry! evilgrin

Harry: AH!

Em: grin Anyways, do your stuff Ariella! –nudges-

Ariella: smile Thanks Em. Harry… you have to take a bath in Artichokes.

All: GASP! –dramatic gasp-

Harry: NOOOO! ANYTHING BUT ARTICHOKES! AHHHH! –runs around in circles-

Em: Ah, I know I hate artichokes too, but when they're used to torture I can't resist 'em!

Ariella: -summons artichoke bath- evilgrin

Harry: errr Ok… -climbs in-

-five minutes later-

Harry: errr –climbs out-

Em, Sarah, Ariella, Laurens, Sazzy: evilgrin

Em: Well, I guess I'll see all of you next season on…

BIG BOOMING VOICE: DARES TO THE EXTREME!

-game show lights-

Harry: errr please no more artichokes… please… PLEASE… PLEASE!

People: K, buddy… you're going to the asylum now…

Harry: -gulp-


End file.
